So I guess today was “give Phoua the marriage talk day.” I mean yes I understand people want me to settle down and all but damn, I’m only 21. I still have so much more ahead of me. I’m a broke college student and I don’t want to drag anyone into all of that with me. I’m not ready to be a wife, daughter inlaw, sister inlaw, and such. I haven’t even started what I want to do with my life yet how can I start a life with someone when mine is not yet figured out. -.- I just want to live a little before I start making sacrifices for another.
I don’t know where we are going with this but I love this feeling. :)
I know I’m extra late on this girl beating boyfriend, but damn! Homegirl is a bitch. He probably cheated but hitting him once and leaving would be a better idea. Like really, is he the last guy on earth that she has to beat him so bad in public to make him learn his lesson? Shit, I would’ve just yelled, just smack him in the face real quick, and left. She’s crazy for doing it in public and constantly slapping him. SMH.
I swear, I think there’s a girl that looks like me at school because people keep on telling me they see me at school when I’m at home. Today a girl was talking to me on the elevator and she said I was in her class. I never seen this girl before too.
People has different beliefs and all about dreams, but I just watched a Hmong story telling/interview thingy and it just got me thinking ( I tend to overthink everything). This past spring I was having dreams about seeing this one guy, no idea who he was but all I knew in my dreams was that he was my significant other. Every time I wake up, it made me sad and lonely. Maybe it was trying to tell or remind me of someone or something… I don’t know but it’s just a thought after watching the video.
I couldn’t sleep so I decided to clean out my ig and as I was deleting some, I read through some old conversations. It’s sad how some people were so nice and then all of sudden they just disappear/ walk out of my life like nothing really happened. Same with looking at old pictures with friends. I know people grow old and things change but how do you wake up one morning and decide to cut that one person out of our life? I guess not everything has an answer but I am thankful for the people I still have today.
Took out all four of my wisdom teeth out the other day and it’s fucken killing me. The only thing I can think of right now is punching someone in the face. Actually there are two people I would love to punch in the face until they bleed. Oh how I wish you two were here so I can take out this pain on you two mother fuckers.
Tonight I’m having weird mixed feelings. I can’t put my finger on it. I feel like I need to do something, but I’m not sure what that is. I’m not sure if I’m feeling sad or I’m just used to being emotional that this time. I think I’m hungry but I feel full too. I feel this ball of energy but it’s not strong enough to make me feel wide awake. I’m not sure what this is, but it feels weird.
I’m glad to know that you’re happy and made up your mind, but if I ever run into you I would smack the shit out of you. Stupid mother fucker ass wipe bitch!
:) k, just wanted to get that off my chest.
I’m not sure how to put this into words but I rather have a bad ending instead of not knowing what the fuck happened and everything just ended as if there was nothing to begin with. I hate not knowing why, what, who, where, when, and how. Just give me something. Don’t just leave and not say anything. I need closure so my mind don’t come running back.
You start to see people’s true color when you have completely nothing to give them.
It’s funny how I do my best to help others but when it comes to me most people just play it off as if I never did anything. I might not have the money to give you, but I do I have my words and believe in you. Being younger than most, people see me as a joke. Everyone thinks that I think life is so easy and full of pretty things. I might not be as mature but I do know that life gets tough and not everything is going to work out.
Sometimes I wish someone would just listen to me without judging or saying anything. I just want someone who is willing to sit there and lend a shoulder. I want to cry and shout and not get a “you’re crazy” or “grow up” kind of answer. I don’t want anything, just someone who is willing to listen to what’s wrong with me. I want to tell that person that my heart is not okay. It hasn’t been for awhile. I just broke down my walls just to see that on the other side, it’s the exact opposite of what I thought would be there. I want to tell that person I am completely drained out. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’m at a point where I’m unsure. I want to tell that person I can’t take it anymore. I can only take so much. So much pressure from everyone and it’s driving my crazy. I can’t even be myself anymore. Suffocating from all these thoughts that I literally have to shake it out of my head. I want to tell that person I feel like an empty body. Maybe I’m going crazy… Who knows.? As for now I’ll just turn my music on and think until I fall asleep, because in the morning this will all go away until the night comes back around.
I have no patience left for anyone and anything. Everyone just needs to shut the fuck up and turn the other way for now. I will seriously punch a bitch.
All my friends used to say that I’m so soft and would do anything for the people I like and love. I guess a little part of that still exists in me but the other half is gone and a new half is there. The half that questions everything. It makes me unsure. I’m unsure about everything, even myself. I guess it is true that one person can really change you. It’s been almost 2 years and it’s still there. Before I can be sure about anything and anyone, I need to be sure about myself. I’m not as mature as I think I am. I’m not perfect and I’m way far from it. I need to get it together. I’ve become the person I fear most. I think it’s time to turn to God, I’ve been on the wrong route for too long. Nothing makes sense.
OMG! I’m breaking out so bad due to stress. T__T I hate this.